Not only is this blog about helping others grow and be successful, it also includes analyzing my persona, and talking about things that occur in my head psychologically in order to help myself grow as a person. So without further ado, a post talking about one fault in my persona, anger.
Let me start off by explaining just what I am going to talk about in this reading. In no particular order: My anger issue that I have noticed escalating over the years, how I deal with it, and scientifically, what is anger? Now these might sound pretty broad, but they all fit together in the central point. Which is anger of course.
Way back as a child, I felt like pretty much every child in the neighborhood, always happy, playful, and of course, angry when I didn’t get what I wanted. See kids those days, weren’t ever angry at each other, they were moreover angry at when they didn’t get that video game for Christmas, or that snack from McDonalds. We were never really angry for a particular good reason. But as the years went by, I slowly saw myself getting frustrated by more and more things. Sure homework started getting harder and there was a lot more of it, but it still wasn’t the key thing I noticed that got me the most frustrated. There was also video games, but I won’t delve into that because that could be a whole post on its own. But all in all, middle school was the start of most people’s major anger issues and even mine.
Then high school hit, that’s where the true source of my anger laid. And it wasn’t homework, video games, or teachers, it actually was…people. Yes, people are the key source of my anger. Things they say, things they do, all of these factor in to my overall anger. But luckily for me, I got along with mostly everyone I met. Nobody hated me like you’d always hear about in high school. By that I mean in high school, you’d always about “I don’t like this guy/girl” or “Did you hear what she said about me, I’m going to break her jaw”. For me, it was the tiniest things that got to me. For example, in sophomore year of high school history class, I knew the person very well, but I guess it was one of those days that I was angry at the start for no reason, a dude slapped me while I was sitting, so I got up, and punched him about 3 or so times. We got in trouble as you can all expect but no suspension, it was over after class. Then I had various incidents in my own house. You know, sibling fights. Usually with my older brother, from ramming each other into walls and those towel racks to full-fledged punching. Then I recall that there was another time when we had to fix this pipe, I was trying my best but my parents and brother were saying stuff like “No you aren’t”. But you have to realize that when my parents are trying to prove that you are wrong, their voices sound like they are yelling, so psychologically, it makes you more aggressive and angry automatically. At least in my case it does. The last example happened more recently, actually back in senior year of high school, I had my drink on the ground, and the desks were very close together, next thing you hear is the sizzling sound of soda. I realized that that should happen if it’s sitting still. So when I look down, I noticed my soda had spilled. I went to get paper towels and attempted to clean it up. Then there was this girl who likes to talk smart (as in everything in her head is important so she has to let someone hear it), she was saying something like “You suck at cleaning up puddles”. That little thing enraged me and I said a bunch of things back to her, and in my mind, I wanted to throw a desk at her. This isn’t something that anybody could ever see me do either.
But the point of that whole thing is that I clearly have an anger issue. Mainly because I’ve observed that little things work me up into a rage. But the way I cope with my rage/anger is that instead of doing the worst possible thing that could land me in a worse place, I suppress myself, I try to not exactly think good thoughts, because honestly, how many times has that worked for people. Instead, I think of the worse possible outcome of the situation. Why does this work for me? It works for me because if I am doing something that could potentially end far worse than it started, and I think of some reasons in my head as to what could happen should it go through, I pull myself away from that thought and thus, don’t do it. This compares directly to the “best case scenario” theory. Here’s a cool stat that probably has nothing to do with this post but I just saw as interesting:
“…citizens of more economically insecure countries often report greater happiness than citizens of wealthier ones. (Burkeman)”
But aside from the point the best case scenario theory pretty much says that people who often think of the best case scenario usually are happier. But the main thing and I think is the most important thought is “Just what is anger?” PBS.org’s This Emotional Life says that
“Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity. Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong.”
One type of anger mentioned in the article is called “Mismanaged anger which is “is counterproductive and can be unhealthy. When anger is too intense, out of control, misdirected, and overly aggressive, it can lead to poor decision making and problem solving, create problems with relationships and at work, and can even affect your health.
This is the type of anger that I feel like I felt during that soda incident. If I threw the desk at her, I wouldn’t have graduated, I’d be expelled, and I would possibly be seeking therapy in an insane asylum.
But the point is, my anger can go from irritated to rage in a matter of seconds. Even by the littlest of actions or words. Anger is not something I recommend anybody tampering with in other people because what people think about doing in this state could be a matter of life and death for the person who caused it, or a destroyed object for that object that caused it.
"Anger." PBS. PBS, n.d. Web. 27 Feb. 2013.
Burkeman, Oliver. "The Power of Negative Thinking." The Wall Street Journal. The Wall Street Journal, 7 Dec. 2012. Web. 27 Feb. 2013.