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Introspection - The Next Chapter

As I'm writing I am listening to Linkin Park's album One More Light. Today was the day of my father Ebenezer 'Joojo' 'Astro' Asafu-Adjaye's funeral service.  For the majority of the day I have had no emotions shown and the answer to the usual question of "how are you feeling?" Is always answered by me in "I'm alright". But I know deep inside I am not okay.  I am sitting in my back seat during the service with many emotions. Anger? Check. Sadness? Check. Anxiety? Also check.  It has gotten so bad that I almost lost control inside the event space in front of my now widowed mother and a bunch of relatives. All over a simple family picture that they wanted but when I was finally ready for, they weren't.  Now I know that I have my share of demons. Some way stronger and tempting than others. But as of now. Me being 25. And at the age of 22, losing my best friend and pretty much distant brother Dealo. I am pretty distraught.  Life goes o

Introspection: The Transitional Life Crisis

About a year ago, I went through a huge quarter year long phase. A phase that had both good and bad intentions on myself and other people. It was a phase that included me going completely invisible to just about everyone. Invisible in a difference sense of the word however. By invisible, I mean to my friends, I went complete anti-social, to my family, I wasn't even acting like the person they knew all of my 18 years of living (I'm 19 now). It was bad in a way because during that period, I lost many friends. Many people stopped contacting me because of my change in direction/attitude. I think it because I went from the person who was easy to have fun with to a person who was always upset, or angry. Frankly, me being in that phase, I didn't even realize anything was wrong with me (as most people going through the same thing wouldn't). I went from being the nice person to a person who often yelled at family. A person who was once caring to a person who just didn't ca

The Rebirth of a New Journey

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I realize that its been quite some time since I posted anything so I figured I'd give an update. For starters. I have been pretty absent from the interwebs in general. So the question is, "What have I been up to all this time?" Well thats pretty simple, well I've been finishing up some Starcraft II: Heart of the Swarm. Awesome game if I might add. I have also been revisiting an old game called Diablo III. I spent maybe around 20 hours last week leveling up my monk and barbarian. It was pretty fun while the excitement lasted. But most importantly I've been trying to get my life together. I recently applied to a university called Old Dominion University. Hopefully I get in because that would be a life-making moment. It would basically show that all these years of doing things and going nowhere, I will be able to hone my creative/artistic skills and channel it into something in the form of a career for my future.  Another thing that I have been up to is designi

The End of a Blogging Season

These past few months, this blog has been dedicated to the subject of personal growth. This subject has been a pretty interesting one. It allowed me to look into the subject deeply. Whether it was viewing other people's blogs on the subject to understand their point of view on how people can grow as better humans, or doing research on my own, I was able to learn quite a bit. One of the sources I used very often were a series of videos from a motivational speaker by the name of Les Brown. I used him the majority of the time because his speeches were something that made the most sense to me. I would have to say, he really lived up to his title of motivational speaker because his speeches "motivated" me to write a few posts . The way he was able to hook me through what he was saying for those short 20 minute segments and allow me to comprehend his words was fascinating. I even ended up talking about him to my mom and she actually said that she had met him before at her old

Dreams: Behind the Reasoning

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Last week, I covered a dream that had been recurring for the past month. I dove into it and extracted the reasoning as to why the various things that occurred happened. This time, I am going to go into detail as to just why we have dreams, and how you can have dreams that will actually help you grow. This image seems rather large. But click it and stare at it closely. I can almost guarantee aspects of it will be in your dreams in the future. Chances are, if you are human you've had a dream that didn't make sense to you. You've wondered why the things that occurred in it happened. What if I could convince you that just about everything that  happened in your dream, happened for a reason and just about every "odd" sight or scene has some kind of symbolic meaning directly related to your life? According to Antti Revonsuo from a BBC documentary titled: Horizon - Why Do We Dream , "certain dreams occur to help us prepare for when a similar situation happe

When Anxiety & Depression Strikes

When people say life isn't easy and nobody's perfect, I find that to be true. Just because you observe that someone's life looks perfect, you never know what they could be truly hiding inside. I was watching a video from a guy named Chris Pirillo on YouTube. In it, his wife said some things about her going through and anxiety issue she had be going through for quite some time now but she had been hiding it and acting like nothing was wrong. Even her husband Chris didn't know until he watched the footage. The way this relates to me is that I am currently going through the same thing. It's actually been about a year that this has been going on. You can partially tell by the series of posts where I talked about "The Non Believer","The Dreamer", and "The Maniac". All of those posts were created at peak periods when  I didn't even know what I was going to do next, and what to do with myself and my life.  For me, it got so bad that a

When dreams become so realistic

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The hand of Atlas in Final Fantasy XIII-2 Have you ever had a dream that seemed so realistic that you have you actually think as to whether it really happened? I personally have had many of those. One time recently. I had a dream about a giant hand in the sky. The hand somehow had a name. It was called Atlus. That hand had symbols etched all over it. Those symbols seemed to glow at about sunset everyday. In the dream, I was with my brother. We were at the bottom of my street trying to save little kids' basketballs from rolling down the hill and into the water. What was strange about it was that my street look almost identical to the real one. Only thing was that the bottom of the street had a shoreline like a beach. Very sandy and rocky. When I threw a ball back up the hill to a kid, I walked up the hill with them and then I noticed the hand in the background. It was daytime so it wasn't glowing. The moment I reached halfway up the hill It started to glow an orange hue ar